Kiro Sevin Shark

DFTBA

Posts tagged black

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Black, White, or Grey?

   I found myself, like the rather antisocial Nerdfighter I am, people watching once again. I saw many couples. This is not a very interesting fact, but their facial expressions, which many times were kind of somber or strained, where very interesting. Now, I’m not a love guru, because I’ve never dated, don’t plan on dating, and have never fallen in love in all my (nearly) 20 years. If that seems strange to you, it wouldn’t if you knew me a little. My life is too busy for that. My personality too independent. But I digress.
   A certain thought came to my mind while watching these not-always-so-happy-looking couples pass by. Is it not the strangest thing in the world how easy it is to need but not want? How difficult it is to want, but not need? Think about it. In so many relationships, the need for the other, your “partner” is the strongest thing there. The want comes in various degrees that do not always coincide with the amount of need, but regardless, there is always much more need for the relationship than the want.
   I find this to be disturbing. Let’s look at it in terms of black and white. Need creates vulnerability. Always. Food can actually be detrimental to a human, while at the same time being completely necessary. I think, though I’m not good with number crunching and I don’t plan on trying to do so, that the greater the need for the thing in question, the greater the consequences are if you take it away. Seem obvious? Apparently, it’s not so obvious in love.
   Love is a very grey subject. This is why I have such a hard time even imagining myself in any position of being in love. I’ve never needed anybody. This always confused me because in the modern world (or at least the modern world that surrounds me as of now), a relationship of need is always seen as love, and is the most common type of relationship to be found. “So if I don’t need someone, then I don’t love them…?” Those are the thoughts that plagued my mind. Until I figured it out (or as much as I possibly can, having never been “in love”.)
   The Dalai Lama hath quoted “The best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
   I cannot tell you how true I think those words are. In a swirl of grey that surrounds the subject of love, there are some speckles of black and white, and in those, I think one might find great wisdom. It only ends up hurting both parties if there is only need; only vulnerability. But if both only ever want and love the presence of the other, then true love can be found. I’m not talking fairy-tale, pink sparkles, happy ending, sappy true love here people. I’m talking about the kind of love you don’t see very often anymore. The kind you find in two elderly people that have stuck around each other well into the their aged years of life. Old people love. The young could take a leaf out of the book of the elderly.

Filed under love Nerdfighter people watching relationships black white grey dalai lama